From One Home to Another

I often think of the moment students leave home and return to campus for the spring as an unexpected moment of sadness for family members. You will say goodbye, they will pack up every bit of laundry they own before heading back to Blacksburg to start the Spring semester. This is a big step they’re taking from the homes that built them to return to the homes they’ve begun to build. This moment of leaving follows what may be their first return home in several months.

I hear from students that the first break back home often prompts a flood of nostalgia as familiar sights, sounds, and smells evoke memories of the past. Childhood bedrooms, once left behind for the promise of college adventures, provided a comforting sanctuary. And yet, it’s not always easy for students to find a comfortable “groove” back at home; though this time to reconnect with family and childhood friends allows students to rediscover their roots and gain a renewed appreciation for the support systems that shaped their formative years, it can also be hard to “go back” to life before college.

Soon your homes and washing machines will quiet down and campus will come back to life! I enjoy those first few weeks watching our Hokies returning to campus and to town. It makes me so happy on those first few spring semester mornings to see campus full of students getting back to the routine of the semester. The good news is, from my view, they settle back in quickly. (I must say that I’m also feeling some excitement as my middle- and high-schoolers are back to their day jobs and routines…)

Every spring semester I am amazed by how quickly students fall into their routines - Blacksburg has started to feel like “home” in a way that it may not have last semester. Students may now talk about “home” and mean both Blacksburg, and, well, “HOME.”

As I reflected on that, I was reminded of what children’s author Henning Mankell said, “You can have more than one home. You can carry your roots with you, and decide where they grow.” Just five months ago, you helped these same Hokies pick up their roots to plant them in Blacksburg. Whether they live on- or off-campus, they’ve spent the last several months learning, living, and growing as college students. And now, just two weeks in, they seem to already be in the groove that it may have taken all last semester to build.

I wonder if families often plan for the emotion of the “big let-go” in August, only to be surprised by that next smaller letting go, like going back to campus in January. These little moments of letting go serve as essential steps in the process of developing, embracing, and celebrating independence. Maybe your student came home and did their own laundry (I long for that day!), or put away their dishes without being asked, cooked a meal, or some other new behavior they acted as if it were routine - and that felt different, like you had to let go of what you had typically done for them. Although it might have been a relief to avoid those extra “labor of love” hours, it can be strange to see the ways in which they no longer fit into the life they left behind.

An amazing student fellow in my office, Ainsley, shared a social media post with me over winter break that said, “For every freshman tearing up as their home fades in the rearview mirror, there is a senior four years later that leaves break early to sneak in a few last college memories, tearing up as they realize how quickly the time has gone.”

For some, hearing their student refer to Blacksburg as “home” for the first time can be a bittersweet moment. In navigating this emotional terrain, it’s important to take pride in the fact that they have continued to flourish in their new landscape. Some students might not have been terribly excited to go back to school; maybe they found that they’ve been craving the comforts of home and aren’t quite ready to let them go again. If this is the case for your Hokie, I hope you take the opportunity to talk with them about the things that they love about home, and the ways in which they can infuse them into their second homes in Blacksburg.

I recently came across the work of Dr. Pamela Aronson, a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, who describes some of the unique experiences of college-age students following the COVID-19 pandemic. One noted difference between college-age students pre- and post-pandemic is a “stepping back in the adolescent-to-adult transition process.” Dr. Aronson describes that some students might have begun the ‘official’ transition into adulthood during the pandemic, but they don’t actually feel like grown-ups.

Whether your student “feels” their age or a few years younger, they are experiencing the world as emerging adults. This category encompasses a period of development between the ages of 18 - 28. During this time, students begin to redefine their relationships as they develop their paths for the future. So, what can we do to promote and celebrate the transition to independence as our students experience the highs and the lows of adulthood?

If they’re excelling in academics, gaining confidence in new skills, or finding belonging in friendships, we can help them to foster a sense of accomplishment by taking the time to express our pride in their achievements. As they navigate the complexities of growing up, embracing the lows is just as crucial as celebrating the highs. It’s essential to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their best and their worst. We all have to embrace our profound responsibility to nurture their success, while also supporting them through the trials that shape their character.

Despite some inevitable challenges and adjustments, supporting your student as they transition into adulthood is an invaluable shared experience. As a fellow parent, I have often found myself recalibrating my role as my kids reach various milestones (like driving!) and appreciating that I am also growing and changing along with my kids.

For students, returning to college is a poignant chapter in the broader narrative of personal growth and self-discovery. It’s a complex journey that involves reconciling newfound independence with established roots, welcoming new experiences, and preparing for the adventures that lie ahead. Embracing this re-departure from home with an open heart and a reflective mind is not always the easiest task, but it provides an invaluable opportunity for families to come together in celebration of growth.

If you, or your student, find yourselves missing the comfort of togetherness, I hope you’ll seek out new ways to strengthen your everlasting bonds across the distance. Also know that my team is here if you hear that your student is struggling to connect. We are here to help students find those connections to campus. Remember, this is (can be) home!