Constructive dialogue: Connecting across difference

I’m so happy to report that autumn has arrived in Blacksburg and has been absolutely beautiful. Even the trees on campus have had Hokie Spirit!

As much as I love the gorgeous fall scenery, I have to admit that this can be a stressful time of year. As the days grow shorter, the weather grows colder, to-do lists grow, and assignment deadlines loom, many of us experience a slow decline in our moods and energy levels.

I’ve learned that the first pile of leaves on the Drillfield is a sign to set aside time for reflection. I ask students and colleagues to reflect on skills gained, their accomplishments so far (large and small), and the tools needed for continued success to endure the colder and busy months ahead. These reflective conversations challenge me to really listen to others, to hear their perspectives, and to appreciate their individuality and our shared humanity. These are all skills that I have cultivated by participating in constructive dialogue.

Constructive dialogue is a form of conversation where people with different perspectives try to understand each other — without giving up their own beliefs — to live, learn, and work together.

With support from the State Council of Higher Education of Virginia (SCHEV), Virginia Tech has partnered with the Constructive Dialogue Institute. Our goal is to implement campus-wide dialogue initiatives to equip students with tools and strategies to practice civil discourse, engage in free expression, and create a sense of belonging on campus.

While participating in the Constructive Dialogue Institute’s Leadership Institute in October, I had the opportunity to speak about this initiative with Dr. Ellington Graves, Interim Senior Associate Vice Provost for Inclusion and Diversity.

We shared the observation that though constructive dialogue is an important capacity, it is sometimes undervalued. We often focus on communicating through discussion and debate. While these are valuable, there is a need for dialogue as a complementary skillset. Embedding constructive dialogue skills in the curriculum and co-curriculum gives students tools to learn more about differing perspectives and to enhance their ability to be curious while engaging in conflict instead of drawing hard lines.

As educators, we are called to help the Virginia Tech community strengthen listening skills, increase empathy, facilitate healthy relationships, and foster a sense of belonging for all Hokies and the larger communities we live in. In our efforts to achieve these goals and through our work with the Constructive Dialogue Institute, we have been working for the last year to implement a program called “Perspectives.” This evidence-based e-learning program teaches both students and employees constructive dialogue concepts and skills.

Learners access self-paced lessons and have the opportunity to join small-group peer-to-peer discussions. The program offers opportunities to explore how ‘fast thinking isn’t always our best thinking’ and helps us uncover the roots of our differences, cultivate empathy and intellectual humility, welcome diverse perspectives, appreciate other worldviews, and manage emotions while engaging in difficult conversations.

Dr. Graves and I discussed that one of the things that led us to using Perspectives is how it applies introspection. Thinking through what you believe before you communicate it to make your argument better is different from thinking through what you believe to reach a better understanding of those beliefs. We believe it’s deeply valuable to know where you stand and to learn where other people stand without the pressure of changing minds. It’s a skill our students and our employees will carry in their personal and professional lives.

One of my big takeaways from my time with Dr. Graves was that our conversations shouldn’t be about convincing someone else to agree but rather learning where people come from. Whether you find yourself stuck in an ideological standstill with a coworker or meeting a new guest or disagreeing over the dinner table this Thanksgiving, I encourage you to lean toward understanding.