Finding a Balance Between Comfort and Novelty

I often inhibit myself from trying new things because I am afraid of being bad at it—indeed, because I know I will be bad at it at first. Rather than looking up a new recipe, I cook a dish I know by heart. Rather than write, I browse social media. Rather than going anywhere near a paint brush, I draw with pencil.

We, as humans, tend to limit ourselves to only spending time on activities that are comfortable, familiar, and that we know we are good at. Or we don’t try the new activity because we are worried that if we do, and it doesn’t go well, others will perceive us as not being a good cook, or good writer, or good artist. This leads to feelings of monotony in our daily lives as we wonder melodramatically: are we doomed to meander forever in a cycle of daily tedium?

Thankfully, no. This tendency is just that—a tendency—and has no power over us. We can challenge it. Doing so can be difficult, but it can also be fun.

As the author Matthew Colville puts it, “We develop taste long before we develop skill.” Humans can learn an infinite number of skills, and our limited time means we can be good at only so many. The simple fact of the matter is that we’re going to be bad at new skills long before we can do anything about it.

Think of the art you gravitate to: you know your favorite foods, your favorite stories. You know which section you’ll most enjoy at an art museum before you even arrive. We label these art pieces as masterpieces and fear we will never make anything of that level of quality.

We admire this art and become frustrated when we feel our art is of much lower quality. Humans are habitual creatures, and we learn to fear the frustration that comes with trying a new skill and feeling inept. So, we avoid learning new skills.

Think of any skill that, when you perform it, sparks feelings of competency and enjoyment. At some point in the past, you’ve experienced some level of frustration as you learned the basics and discovered what you were doing wrong and could improve upon. If you liked the skill enough, you had fun doing it even if you weren’t very good.

As we improve, those frustrations ease, and the skill becomes even more fun. Developing new skills is about reaching that critical point—where the fun outweighs any lingering frustrations at not yet being a master. So, if you feel frustrated at a new skill but also feel a deep-seated urge that you want this skill to be a part of who you are, push through that timeframe when it’s frustrating. Keep going. Don’t let your impulses stop you from becoming who you want to be.

According to research by New York University, novel experiences correlate with reported well-being. Experiencing positive, new experiences tends to make you happier than experiencing positive, familiar experiences. Research by the University of California, Davis has found that reaching a flow state when performing a high-challenge skill floods the brain with dopamine. By considering both studies in tandem, we can conclude that refining our skills is fun—and it’s important to feel that the things we spend our time doing feel fun.

Though seeking new experiences has immense value, it is perfectly fine to need comfort and familiarity every now and then. The world will not end simply because you really like eating scrambled eggs five mornings a week. Sometimes, you just need a comfortable, familiar meal that you’ve made hundreds of times. Or you need to reread a story you wrote and remind yourself what a good writer you are. Or admire a past drawing and realize how good an artist you are. This is a healthy, easy way to give yourself an instant confidence boost. Comfort in moderation is okay, but we don’t want to let it become a crutch, lest we rob ourselves of a full life.

Defy your impulses that push you backward to safety. Brave the scary world of learning new skills. Wonder at yourself as the skills that once overwhelmed you are now but simple muscle memory.