After classes begin

September 22 is the first official day of fall, but fall is already underway here on campus! Move-in, Weeks of Welcome, and the first days of class are important and exciting times for students. Many are developing new friendships, negotiating roommate expectations, and beginning to feel a sense of belonging on campus. However, it is the first few weeks after classes begin that can be the most impactful for students. It is the time that you may start to hear your students voice some challenges and concerns.

I had the recent pleasure to speak about this time — the beginning of the middle of the semester — with my dear colleague and friend across Burruss Hall, Rachel Holloway, Ph.D., vice provost for undergraduate academic affairs.

In our 60 combined years supporting students and their families, Dr. Holloway and I have come to recognize some phrases that arise from family members — without fail — every fall. We explored some of these phrases together, in hopes that sharing them will help you to better understand our approach to supporting students.

Parents: “My student is the only one.”

This phrase is one we hear most often from parents during the start of the semester, especially those with students in the first chapter of their college career. It feels natural to believe that your student is the only one navigating a particular set of challenging circumstances.

Dr. Holloway reminded me that “College is a new experience to everyone every semester.” College students’ lives change every semester as their classes change — a significant shift from high school. Most students re-work their entire routine each semester as their classes lead them to new areas of campus at new times of the day. They need to find the time to eat, sleep, and study — not forgetting to work in a few hours for fresh air and exercise — while maintaining their relationships and opening themselves up to new opportunities through clubs and extracurricular activities. Whether they are studying engineering or liberal arts, a first year or senior student, each is confronted with substantial changes and new experiences every semester.

Your student may call or text you feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or upset. So, what can you do when your student tells you they are the only one struggling and you worry that they may be right? Recognize that what your student may need from you is for you to be their safe place to vent. On a campus with more than 30,000 students, a safe place to vent is essential.

On this topic, Dr. Holloway says, “Sometimes we all just need someone to listen. Most students hit rough patches; they are part of the learning process. When a student is feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or upset, remind them that they are not alone. Give them time and try not to jump in to fix things.”

Guide, coach, and support, but empower your student to take positive steps to regain well-being and agency, including using campus resources.

Regularly remind your student to give themselves time and that they are not alone.

Parents: “I’m calling on behalf of my student.”

As a parent, I know this is hard to hear (I know because I need to be reminded sometimes, too) but ... helping is not always helpful. Parents sometimes reach out to a Virginia Tech office to “help their student” because the student is “too busy.” For us, that is an alert to connect the student with resources around time management. College students, even those working, should have time to call or to schedule an appointment with offices across campus.

Rather than calling on your student’s behalf, you can help them by coaching them through making an appointment. Tell them to write down phrases or questions to achieve their goal or roleplay a phone call with them. It’s important for your student to make the call themselves, because in most cases, an academic advisor or student affairs educator needs to talk directly with them to gain a full understanding of their needs.

As professionals in higher education, Dr. Holloway and I recognize that college is an important time to build life skills. We ensure that our administrators and student employees are prepared to answer the phone with patience, care, and kindness. Trust your students to take responsibility for their needs, and trust, too, that we will take good care of them as they learn these essential life skills.

Parents: “My student would never.”

Over the years, we have learned that what we hear and what parents hear from their students may not be quite the same. Dr. Holloway and I have found the phrase “trust, but verify” to be sound advice in most cases. Some students will make poor decisions that lead to negative consequences. Some will struggle with the rigor of college classes, leading them to miss deadlines, repeatedly skip classes, or resort to measures which violate our Student Code of Conduct.

A phrase we encourage parents to keep in their toolbelt is “Don’t wait until you have no other choices left to tell me.” After a certain point, it’s too late to help a student regain control of their situation. Try to encourage them early on to meet with their faculty, seek out support from the Student Success Center, or participate in class study groups. Make sure your student knows that we are all here to support them while they adjust to college-level academics.

College is full of choices and new experiences for first-year students. They’re meeting new people, adjusting to college-level classes, taking charge of their health and wellness, and finding their place at Virginia Tech. For some, the choice to go to a social event instead of staying in their room may be a monumental step. For others, getting to class on time may be worthy of celebration. Students may even be doing their first load of laundry on their own! All these small, positive steps add up to first-semester success. We hope you find time to pause and reflect with your student, to remind them that, “You have come so far.”

Dr. Holloway and I know that this is a difficult transition for students and families alike. Please remember that we are here to help your student and share advice based on what we’ve learned over the years, whenever they (or you!) need it.