What rhymes with communication that’s worth a conversation?

Procrastination! Corny, I know, but I hope you got a little laugh or eye roll at my (maybe a little funny) title. I believe the universe was pointing me in the direction of writing about procrastination this month because two articles about procrastination recently made their way into my inbox. The first was "How to Stop Procrastinating" by Alice Boyes in the Harvard Business Review and the second was "Why You Procrastinate (It Has Nothing to Do with Self-Control)" by Charlotte Lieberman in the New York Times. Both articles challenge the notion that procrastination is rooted in a lack of self-control or discipline. They both posit that procrastination has its roots in our (in)ability to manage our emotions, particularly negative emotions. Both articles dig into the emotional challenges of procrastination and offer strategies for managing procrastination.

These last few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving break are full of deadlines, expectations, and to-do list items. I don’t know about you, but I recall (and still experience) times when I stared at a blank document on my computer screen, trying to figure out how to start a particular project. Rather than beginning the project, I find myself drawn to organizing my closet, alphabetizing my books, or filing emails, when what I really needed to do was get started. What moments come to mind for you when procrastination took over and you found yourself knee-deep in something other than what you needed to do?

Perhaps you are video chatting with your student and you’re realizing their room looks particularly clean at the same time they’re telling you they have pressing deadlines. I know for my middle schooler and high schooler, procrastination can mean that suddenly cleaning out their closet is a high priority. I have been challenging myself lately to avoid characterizing their behavior as an expression of misplaced priorities or poor self-discipline. These articles both tell me that what’s really needed to help in these moments of procrastination is to ask different questions about what they may be feeling and why that may be connected to their procrastination.

Both authors suggest that we tend to avoid tasks that stir up negative emotions. Our way of coping with challenging emotions and negative moods created by certain tasks is likely the key culprit to our decision to procrastinate. To go back to my example of staring at that blank document, if I, as I have done in the past, get up from that document, and begin doing something else, the main emotion I feel in that immediate moment is relief. If my avoidance of difficult tasks makes me feel relief, that type of reward for my (bad) behavior can become a habit. What happens in the long term is, I value that immediate relief over what is coming next - the long-term pain of having to hustle to complete the deadline I was procrastinating over in the first place. Double ugh.

So, what can you do when your student calls and you get the sense they’re procrastinating on an important project? Boyes suggests that we need to help disentangle the complex set of feelings. She suggests we find a way to discuss what psychologists call emotional granularity. This means picking apart the different emotions felt that lead to procrastination. It means understanding our procrastination by untangling the following:

• Are we bored by the task?
• Does it create anxiety?
• Does it make us feel resentful?

Understanding the individual emotions involved will help effectively minimize their power over our behavior. If we are bored by a task, can we find ways to make it more enjoyable, like working with friends or working during our most productive time of day? If we are anxious, can we start with the parts of the assignment that are less anxiety-producing?

Lieberman shares another strategy that may help combat procrastination. She challenges us to find a better reward for ourselves than the relief that comes from avoiding the task. If we do that, we can interrupt the potential bad habit that immediate relief can create. She also suggests that when we procrastinate, if we can find ways to forgive ourselves for it, we may procrastinate less on a future task. Finally, actions can positively push our motivation. If your student finds themself staring at a blank document, the simple act of starting – even as simple as writing the date at the top - can help increase their motivation to keep going.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember as your student approaches this time in the semester where procrastination may be particularly appealing, perhaps your conversations can be helpful in untangling the emotional underpinning of procrastination and avoid blaming a possible lack of discipline. If you take an empowering and supportive approach, help them untangle their emotions, and focus on better rewards for proactive work, you may be helping your student cultivate healthy habits that will help them be successful in the present and future.