Lessons in Leadership: The Necessity of Saying "No"

If you know me, you know I love to be involved. And I am everywhere. I love my major, Hospitality and Tourism Management (HTM)! A small major with some incredible faculty and even greater friends! Last year, as a freshman, I went on numerous trips made available to me because of my major. Heck, I even went to Florida … twice – in one semester! And while I’m thankful for all the experiences, connections, and free trips *wink*, I said yes to too many. I hope my story will be as beneficial to you as it was reflective and therapeutic to write. Take heed in this lesson of leadership, learning to say “No,” and finding balance. Here’s how it started.

When I first came to Virginia Tech, a bright-eyed homeschool student from Hampton Roads, I saw so many options and potential futures that I became immersed in all it had to offer. By the time Fall Family Weekend came, I was talking with my family and friends, explaining that I was involved in seven clubs (in one way or another). I was quite literally involved in more clubs than classes my first semester! My younger sister said I was ridiculous. And while my parents expressed the same sentiment, you could also see the palpable fear for me on their faces. They were shocked and foretold the effect that such over-involvement would have on my psyche. In retrospect, my parents were very wise.

Miraculously, I had gotten through the fall semester without burning out. During my first semester, I was:

• The hospitality chair for the Black Excellence Committee with the Black Student Alliance.
• A consistent and active member of both the Hospitality Management Association and the Club Manager’s Association of America.
• Had campaigned and won a position as a Pamplin Senator within the Undergraduate Student Senate (USS).
• Was a constant presence in weekly meetings with the First-year Leadership Experience program (FLEX).
• Served on the Dining Services Student Advisory Committee.
• Briefly participated in the Pamplin Undergraduate Mentoring Program (PUMP).
• And was volunteering whenever I could to help recruit for the HTM department that I had only been in for 2 months!

My passion and fire got me noticed, and throughout the year, I added to my plate by saying yes to others:

• I became the Student Co-planner/Admin coordinator of the Spring Break Caribbean Cruise Study Abroad. (A trip everyone should take; applications close in December!)
• Was invited to speak at a Pamplin Dean’s Advisory Board of Students Meeting.
• Referred to the Ad-hoc Student Employee Rights Committee for USS.
• Invited to sit on a HTM Faculty Student-Interview Panel.
• Lobbied to U.S. Congressional Members on behalf of Virginia Tech Students as a part of ACC Advocacy Day.
• Was invited by the Undergraduate Board of Visitors representative to the Spring Student Leadership Luncheon with Virginia Tech President Tim Sands!

While I was and still am incredibly thankful to God for these opportunities, I learned that not every invitation has to be a yes. I used to think taking “mental health days” was unnecessary, not realizing how badly I needed one. I was running on fumes, but I could not stop. Needing to be active, I came home for winter break and chose to balance two three-week winter courses while also working as a manager at one of the busiest Chick-fil-A's in the 7-5-7 area during the busiest time of the year! I stretched myself to the absolute limits and did not take the time to check in with myself and process anything.

After returning from Spring Break, my A’s were beginning to become B’s, and my B’s slipped further to C’s. I was drowning, struggling to get out of my lofted bed in the mornings, and I had made matters worse by not asking for help from friends, family, or advisors here or at home. School became something I dreaded, which does not help when you live a mile away from all your classes. It also broke my heart that I loved academics during high school. What’s worse is that this depression I was in made me uncharacteristically unreliable, and those around me could tell my heart was not in it and my attention was elsewhere.

A message to myself last year and anyone else teetering on the edge of over-involvement: surround yourself with people you trust who will tell you when it looks like you are struggling. And when they do…LISTEN and take corrective action. It is never too late to course correct.

While I hope you’ve heard this before, I do not care if it sounds like a broken record. Still, please take advantage of mental health resources on campus: Residential Well-Being Student Leaders in your dorm, embedded counselors in your college, Cook Counseling Center, or the too convenient TimelyCare App.

I am a leader, and as I grow in my leadership skills, an important distinction is that over-saturation is not authentic leadership. Learning to say no is self-leadership. And until you have learned how to lead yourself, you can’t truly lead others. It may sound cliché, but it is true!

For my sophomore year, I have chosen a more relaxed approach. However, you can still see me tabling for Hokie Effect as their Assistant Director for Engagement and Promotion, in the classroom as a Pamplin Engage Teaching Assistant for International Business, and as the Vice President of the Hospitality Management Association! But that is it. I only have three significant commitments this year, and even then, I am constantly monitoring my workload, learning when to say no and establish balance. While I may have stepped back from my other clubs and commitments, I have no regrets. I may no longer be the star in every room, but maturity has taught me that I don’t have to be. That way, I can be more dedicated to my top priorities and support others to become leaders and stars. It works better this way.

Being a leader and an undergraduate student is not easy, but it also does not have to be complicated. With a supportive community around you to guide, assist, and be a sounding board, it can be easy, only if you put in the work and make a conscious effort to be cognizant and listen to your brain and body when it’s pushed to the limits.

To my support system of parents, friends, family, faculty, and mentors, I promise to be a better communicator when I’m struggling and to act on your advice and receive help to lighten my load. Thank you for all you are doing!